Cowboy Who?

In brief: Strong thunderstorms are approaching Houston from the southwest and will soon spread into the metro area. The period of 2 pm to 6 pm should see the strongest storms, with hail, damaging winds, a few tornadoes, and some street flooding possible. Please take this threat seriously.

As expected, we are seeing the development of strong thunderstorms to the southwest of Houston this afternoon. These storms will gradually progress eastward through the afternoon and early evening hours before they exit to the east. At this point the most severe weather appears likely to occur along and south of Interstate 10.

In terms of timing, I anticipate that showers and thunderstorms will begin to develop widely across much of the Houston metro area by around 1:30 to 2 pm. A more organized line of severe thunderstorms will subsequently march across the area from west to east from 3 to 6 pm. The strongest storms should be east of Houston before sunset, with some light showers possibly lingering a little while longer.

There is a fairly high risk of hail with these storms, particularly along and south of Interstate 10. The National Weather Service indicates that a few areas may see hail as large as an apple, but for most locations any hail that falls should be smaller than this. Damaging winds are also possible, as well as a few isolated tornadoes. Heavy rain will also accompany these storms, but the most intense showers should progress fairly quickly. Thus, while some street flooding is possible, we are not overly concerned about a significant flooding event.

We will clear out this evening, and then have a couple of calm days before rain, and possibly storm, chances return Thursday. Stay safe out there, y’all!

NEW YORK—During a brief recess from his ex-attorney’s testimony regarding hush money payments made shortly before the 2016 election, former President Donald Trump reflexively cornered Michael Cohen and asked him for help silencing Michael Cohen, courtroom sources confirmed Monday. “Listen, Michael, this guy Cohen…

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This post was written by Alison Green and published on Ask a Manager.

A reader writes:

I work in a medium-sized location of a small-in-the-grand-scheme-of-things business as one of the upper managers on site.

The site manager recently asked me to keep an idea on the books for sometime later this year: to do a donation drive with manager names on donation boxes. Donations would earn someone a ticket to pie that manager in the face.

To keep the peace after a long day when I was already exhausted, I said I would keep it in mind, but I would not participate, period. I was told “your name is going on a box.” I said, “If that’s the case, you can find a new X manager. I’m not getting pied in the face!”

I have received “exceeds expectations” on my performance reviews and have delivered miracles for this place for the years I have been there. I tolerated a dunking booth previously because I could change out of wet clothes. A pie to the face would mean an intolerable experience with sticky hair and skin for my day, and my commute is not short enough to make it remotely okay.

I think the choice to participate should be opt in, not opt out. The site manager isn’t my actual manager (I report to our corporate office) and my boss usually has my back. I worry that I sound a bit childish for having this line, but I don’t want this one to be crossed! I am not comfortable with people smashing a pie in my face, throwing a pie in my face, or anything to do with pie and my face if it isn’t me willingly eating a slice! Am I crazy for being willing to lose my job over this?

(I am looking to move on due to this site manager, as I just truly don’t believe our leadership styles are compatible. I have stayed to protect my team and finish out a few critical tasks while I job search, but I am hitting my limit. Pie in the face is the tip of the bonkers iceberg that is my daily life.)

Yeah, you do not need to be pied in the face if you don’t want to be pied in the face. Under no reasonable definition does it fall within “other duties as assigned.”

And you know, that would be true even if you sucked at your job! It pained me to see you justify the reasons you shouldn’t have to be pied, like your “exceeds expectations” evaluations and so forth. Even if you delivered no value whatsoever and were on the verge of being fired, you don’t need to agree to be pied in the face if you don’t want to.

And really, employees who sign up for these activities assume that managers are participating willingly. Anyone who’s not mildly sociopathic would be horrified to find out that what they thought was a fun morale-booster was actually a terrible experience for the person getting pied.

I’m curious whether the other managers who would be expected to participate would do it happily or feel like you do. It might be worth talking to some of them and taking a united stand that it’s Not Happening, or that it be opt-in.

I’m also curious how likely this is to even come up again. The site manager asked you to file the idea away for later in the year. Feel free to simply … not. You’re a manager too and they’re not your boss; you’re free to use your own judgment to decide this was an obvious joke and/or terrible judgment.

But if it does come up again, you can simply say no. “No, I’m not participating.” “No, we’re not going to require employees to be struck in the face — assaulted — against their will.” “No.” And you can enlist your own boss, who will almost certainly support that stance. Might you be seen as a party pooper if others are on board? Maybe. But who cares? Your no is your no.

And worst case scenario, if the event comes to fruition, you can decline to attend. You can’t be pied in the face when your face isn’t present.

(I write all this with a very specific brand of professional expertise on the topic, because for a job in my 20s I pied several public figures to protest animal abuse. No regrets, still proud of it. But public protest intended to result in criminal charges, which it did, is a very different thing than a workplace team-builder.)

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Karen MacDonough of Quincy, Mass., was enjoying her tea one morning in the dining room when she sees something odd outside of her window: A group of people gathering on her lawn. A man with a clipboard tells her that her home no longer belongs to her. It didn't matter that she'd been paying her mortgage for 17 years, and was current on it. She was a nurse with a good job and had raised her kids here. But this was a foreclosure sale, and she was going to lose her house.

Karen had fallen victim to what's called a zombie second mortgage. Homeowners think these loans are long dead. But then the loans come back to life because they get bought up, sometimes for pennies on the dollar, by debt collectors who then move to collect and foreclose on people's homes.

On today's episode: An NPR investigation reveals the practice to be widespread. Also, what are zombie mortgages? Is all this legal? And is there any way for homeowners to fight the zombies?

This episode was hosted by Chris Arnold and Robert Smith. It was produced by Sam Yellowhorse Kesler. It was edited by Jess Jiang with help from Bob Little. And it was fact-checked by Sierra Juarez. Engineering by Robert Rodriguez with an assist from Patrick Murray. Alex Goldmark is Planet Money's executive producer.

Help support Planet Money and get bonus episodes by subscribing to Planet Money+ in Apple Podcasts or at plus.npr.org/planetmoney.

In brief: Storms are likely in Houston today, after noon. The line of showers and thunderstorms may hit the area during the critical hours after school, or during the early portions of the evening commute, so please remain weather aware. After that we will have a couple of calmer weather days.

Monday

A number of ingredients for severe weather are stacking up this morning across the Houston area, including atmospheric moisture, instability, shear, and a trigger in the form of a weak front that will push through. All of these factors are likely to produce a line of showers and thunderstorms, some of which will be severe, that will move through Houston from northwest to southeast during the afternoon hours today.

In terms of timing, I expect conditions to warm and muggy this morning, with temperatures in the 80s and mostly cloudy skies. The action is likely to pick up shortly after noon, to the west of Houston. Locations such as Katy and The Woodlands are like to see the onset of storms between 2 and 4 pm, with the line moving into central Houston later this afternoon, perhaps between 3 and 5 pm, and reaching the coast between 4 and 6 pm. I realize the timing here in unfortunate, likely affecting parts of the metro area during school pick-up, afternoon activities, and the evening commute. Please check the radar before venturing out—conditions will be better in some locations than others.

With regard to impact, the line of storms should be fairly progressive as it moves through the area. So the worst of the rain, lightning, and other impacts, including damaging winds, hail, and possibly a few tornadoes, should not last too long. But these conditions may be briefly intense. Some street flooding is also possible during the strongest storms, in which up to 3 inches may fall fairly quickly. After the initial line of storms showers may linger for another hour or two. The bottom line is that today will be a day to be weather aware, especially from noon to around sunset. Not all areas will be affected by severe storms, but it does look like a fairly good chunk of the region will be.

Temperatures tonight should fall into the upper 60s with mostly cloudy skies.

Tuesday

Expect sunnier skies and calmer weather in the wake of the front. Highs will reach about 90 degrees, aided by sunshine and the slight drier air that will allow them to pop up. Winds will be fairly light, from the north. Lows on Tuesday night should drop into the upper 60s again for most of the metro area, away from the coast.

Wednesday

Another sunny day with highs near 90 degrees. Winds will shift to come from the southeast during the day time, most likely, allowing for a slightly warmer and more humid night in the low 70s.

Thursday

More storm chances return on Thursday as the atmosphere becomes more amenable with passing disturbances. Right now let’s call for a likely chance of rain, but with lower confidence in the details. Expect highs in the mid-80s.

Friday

A chance of showers lingers, but the signal is not as strong for Friday. Look for highs in the upper 80s. Details to come.

Saturday and Sunday

The weekend looks mostly sunny. Saturday should bring temperatures in the upper 80s, with Sunday likely reaching the lower 90s. I can’t entirely rule out some passing showers on Saturday, but overall chances are near zero on Sunday.

Next week

It’s difficult to say too much, but at this point I expect summer lite conditions next week, with highs generally in the low 90s. High pressure looks to be mainly in control, but we’ll have to see if that actually comes to pass.

BOSTON—Revealing they felt blindsided by the person they trusted most, the nation’s weeping spouses held a press conference Tuesday to announce they don’t recognize the person you’ve become. “If you had told me all those years ago on our wedding day that this is who you would turn into, I never would have believed…

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With 4 turrets, a dozen windows, and a saltwater moat, this massive home boasts a fantastic 360-degree view of both the ocean and hairy sunbathers. Hurry up and book a showing before it’s washed away for good.

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Washington, D.C. – US president Joe Biden has finally made clear his position in regards to the mounting war in Gaza, stating he will not smile the next time he gives Netanyahu a large sum of money. “I believe this stance shows my strong decision in terms of the mounting conflict,” stated Biden on Sunday. […]

The post Biden pledges to not smile the next time he gives Netanyahu one billion dollars appeared first on The Beaverton.

BRAMPTON, ON – In their ever-increasing efforts to prevent customers from leaving the store without paying for their goods, grocery monolith Loblaws will now force all patrons to consume everything they have purchased before leaving the store. “This is a tough, but fair, scenario, which our loyal customers are sure to understand,” said Sidney Davies, […]

The post To deter thefts, Loblaws to force customers to eat entire content of shopping carts before leaving store appeared first on The Beaverton.

New Cyanide and Happiness Comic

New comic!
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This comic was written by Omnithea. It is about engineering solutions.

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I think I finally hit a completely new theodicy. If I can draw this out to 200 pages, I could get a divinity degree.

Today's News:

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There's a newish Parfit biography out Edmonds that is excellent.

Today's News:

Long before TikTok histrionics took root, you might recall that numerous members of Congress spent numerous years freaking about another Chinese company: Chinese telecom equipment maker Huawei.

The argument, made without much in the way of public evidence, was that Huawei was systematically using its network gear to spy on Americans at a massive scale. Congress then proposed a solution: it would require that U.S. telecom operators (large and small) rip out all Huawei equipment from their networks at great expense, then replace it with usually more expensive alternatives.

So in early 2020 Congress passed the Secure And Trusted Communications Act effectively banning Huawei from U.S. telecom networks. Congress doled out $1.9 billion to rip out and replace Huawei gear, but it’s estimated to cost around $5 billion to actually complete the effort. But instead of finishing the job, the FCC last week politely pointed out that Congress did nothing.

The costs were significant, but especially for smaller telecoms which may now be forced to withdraw from the program, or shut their networks down entirely without additional funding, the FCC wrote:

“Several recipients have recently informed the Commission that they foresee significant consequences that could result from the lack of full funding, including having to shut down their networks or withdraw from the program. Because Reimbursement Program recipients serve many rural and remote areas of the country where they may be the only mobile broadband service provider, a shutdown of all or part of their networks could eliminate the only provider in some regions.”

So basically Congress freaked out about Huawei (without much public evidence), proposed a very expensive solution to address the problem, didn’t fully fund the program, then basically fell asleep. Their apathy and dysfunction now risks putting some smaller ISPs out of business; ISPs that may be the only broadband provider available in some rural markets. Impressive work all around.

This is all fairly ironic given the hysteria Republicans like the FCC’s Brendan Carr have had about TikTok. Carr has made quite a career showing up on cable news to gnash his teeth over a social media network his agency doesn’t have the authority to regulate. Yet he’s not been anywhere near as active in pushing for a solution for a huge problem impacting a sector he actually regulates.

In part because the work of actually doing a coherent job doesn’t much interest an ad-engagement chasing press. The actually daily nitty gritty details of coherent governance isn’t sexy, and (usually) doesn’t get you on cable TV.

It all aptly demonstrates the often-performative nature of Congress’ hysteria over China. They’ll thrash and flail over some perceived Chinese threat to grab headlines and make U.S. competitors (like Facebook or Cisco) happy, throw out some barely workable solution (like say the TikTok ban), then consider their job done. Once the cable networks are no longer interested they’ll just forget about the problem entirely.

In brief: If you have clear skies and minimal light pollution, look to the north for a chance that you may see the aurora borealis (or northern lights) here in Southeast Texas (Friday night, the 10th).

We’ll keep this brief. A massive, if not historic solar storm has unleashed a barrage of solar flares toward Earth. Those arrived today, the strongest solar storm in at least 20 years to impact us. We have seen reports all over Europe of the aurora being visible. Not just visible…VISIBLE. Those reports have spread into the U.S. now, with much of Georgia, parts of Mississippi, Mobile, AL, and now Pinehurst and The Woodlands and Lake Conroe reporting the aurora.

The aurora can be fickle, so there is no guarantee you will see it everywhere tonight, certainly not in the city of Houston where light pollution is likely too much to overcome. However, if you have the means and time to get out and look north, this may be a once in a lifetime opportunity here in Southeast Texas. Please send us pictures as you’re able.

With our routines busier than ever, fitness buffs are embracing a new pilates routine that can fit easily into daily routine moments, such as waiting for an elevator, standing at a bus stop, or crouching in front of an open fridge holding a spoon and shovelling peanut butter straight in. “Post-pandemic, people expect more flexibility […]

The post New Pilates routine so easy you can do it in front of an open fridge while you eat peanut butter straight from the jar appeared first on The Beaverton.

TORONTO – Former MLSE chair Larry Tanenbaum is reportedly set to bring an expansion WNBA franchise to Toronto for the start of the 2026 season, who will undoubtedly win their league championship way before the Leafs win the Cup. “If there’s one fact of life it’s that every new Toronto sports team will win before […]

The post Toronto’s expansion WNBA franchise mathematically certain to win their league championship before Leafs do appeared first on The Beaverton.

CHICAGO—Wincing each time the loud, unnerving cackle echoed throughout the room, every patron at local bar Red Finch was heard to breathe a simultaneous sigh of relief Friday after a drunk guy with an obnoxious laugh got interested in his phone. “Oh, thank God, he’s finally distracted—maybe now we can have a…

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WASHINGTON—In an effort to ensure the munitions were completely untraceable, the U.S. military began filing the serial numbers off all missiles being sent to the Israeli government, anonymous sources within the Pentagon confirmed Friday. “In the wake of recent IDF operations in Rafah, we will no longer serve as arms…

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Board members voted nearly unanimously Monday to remove a total of 13 chapters from textbooks used in courses such as biology, environmental science and earth systems. The Houston-area district will need to replace some of the materials with in-house curriculum at a time when it is reducing staff in response to an impending budget shortfall.

Eighteen-year-old Barron Trump, Donald Trump’s youngest son, is making his political debut as a Florida delegate to the Republican National Convention in July. What do you think?

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Veruca Salt: Like Captain Ahab, you are defined by an all-absorbing monomaniacal obsession: to find comfortable shoes that aren’t hideous.

Pavement: You spent your twenties watching movies off the Criterion Collection to impress boys, and it actually worked, so now you’re stuck with plotless black-and-white subtitled movies forever.

Smashing Pumpkins: You’ve disowned family members because they weren’t supportive enough of your career (i.e., they stopped buying the rash-inducing makeup and/or piss-scented essential oils from your MLM company).

Nirvana: You could never be one of those stereotypical soccer moms. (Your kids play lacrosse.)

Nine Inch Nails: You’re learning to pretend that gardening is an adequate replacement for the sexual adventures of your youth.

Eve 6: You go to PTA meetings just so you can whisper “critical race theory” into the microphone and then slip out the back door amid the pandemonium.

Jane’s Addiction: You suddenly realize you’ve saved a little money. You can’t decide if you should use it to fix your roof, your vision, your garage door, your feet, your skin, your wet basement, your dry vagina, your broken sidewalk, or your broken mental health. Before you choose, the dentist informs you that your kids need braces.

The Cardigans: In your quest to find comfortable shoes that aren’t hideous, you’ve convinced yourself that, with the right attitude, flats can be sexy. Unfortunately, your attitude is “desperately trying to make flats sexy.”

Neutral Milk Hotel: You vowed you’d never get a minivan. You got an SUV with a third row.

Mazzy Star: You have not yet admitted to yourself that succulents and macrame wall hangings are your generation’s Live Laugh Love decor.

Rage Against the Machine: You use the term “journey” to describe your training for a charity 5K, changes to your skincare routine, your evolving relationship with gluten, the fact that you occasionally take a yoga class, and your secretly failing marriage.

The Cranberries: Because you procrastinated so long on covering your grays, and now people think you’ve chosen to age gracefully, you’ve become a minor feminist icon.

Bikini Kill: You talk about your produce choices way too much, and now your friends’ secret nickname for you is “manic organic dream girl.”

Everclear: After hearing about the resurgence of lower back tattoos, you started an organization to educate young women on the dangers of the Tramp Stamp.

4 Non Blondes: You knit, and you’ve already given everyone you know a scarf. Time to retreat into decades of obscurity until people start having grandkids so you can make them baby blankets and regain some semblance of a purpose in life.

Pearl Jam: You’ve spent an inordinate amount of time on your town’s Facebook page complaining about how your favorite restaurant raised its credit card fees.

Blur: Just try to talk to you about TV without you explaining that the British Office was better than the American Office.

Garbage: You tell yourself you’re microdosing shrooms for creativity and productivity benefits, but in reality it’s the only way you can deal with the other moms at the playground.

Cake: Your entire identity is built around being Karen who is not a Karen.

Ben Folds Five: You know that no amount of glitter, hot glue, and parchment paper will fill the gaping pit of loneliness that is your middle-aged existence, but you’ll be damned if you aren’t going to at least try to craft your way out of this crippling depression.

No Doubt: You’ve finally given up on the quest to find comfortable, non-hideous shoes, but you still pretend your Birkenstocks are part of the “ironically ugly shoes” fashion trend.

Hansen: You’ve lost multiple friends because you say “don’t yuck my yum” too often.

Porno for Pyros: In a misguided attempt to bond, you showed your daughter a YouTube video of yourself flashing Perry Farrell at the original Lollapalooza. (“Look, honey, we have the same boobs!”)

Sixpence None the Richer: You love the Royal Family more than your own.

Hole: You don’t understand what the Bad Art Friend did wrong.

Harvey Danger: You can’t get through a single conversation without mentioning your junior year abroad in Paris.

Stone Temple Pilots: You put a HATE HAS NO HOME HERE sign in your front yard, and it’s not a lie, because technically hate is not the same thing as smoldering resentment, all-consuming envy, quiet hostility, and vindictive plotting to use subterfuge, fraud, or witchcraft to destroy the life of that stuck-up bitch in the charming Cape Cod across the street.

Letters to Cleo: You’re living a life less ordinary. (You have one kid or three kids instead of two kids.)

Dave Matthews Band: Your regular family is about to leave you because you won’t shut the fuck up about your Cross Fit family.

Radiohead: Every minor challenge of your life has been a warmup for this ongoing crisis: going through perimenopause while your kid is going through puberty.

SEE ALSO:

What Your Favorite ’90s Rock Band Says About the Type of Bored Suburban Dad You Are Today

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Or the simulators, insanely, think we'd rather have a life of striving together.

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I only have 137 days until my wedding, but I’m starting to worry I won’t finish all of the planning. You see, my mom just cashed in decades worth of goddamned Mother’s Day coupons. All at once.

Let me back up—I was a small, cute child with no money and a dream: a dream to give, honor, and celebrate. Mother’s Day coupons were the perfect way to show Mom what she meant to me. But now, I curse childhood me as I sit here wiping the baseboards of her study. It’s just Lavender & Sea Breeze Mrs. Meyers and me—for the sixth time this week. It’s only Tuesday.

I often wondered why she held on to those expertly crafted coupons, never cashing in a single one. I used to think, “Aw, she loves all of my artwork,” or “She’s saving these to show her grandkids,” but now I know she was waiting and plotting. Just when I thought I’d reached adulthood and started a family of my own, I’m being pulled back.

I sneeze from the baseboard dust and grumble, “Why, Mom, why?”

From her bed, where I’ll soon be delivering her breakfast tacos—a food she couldn’t “stomach” until now—she calls back, “Because you’re getting married. It was time to zero out the accounts.”

I dream of floral arrangements and flatware selections, but I won’t be making choices anytime soon. Now, every day now begins the same. I kiss my fiancé Salvator goodbye and retreat to my childhood home, wearing yellow latex gloves with my hair pulled back like a marathoner, and prepare to once again polish all the silver she got in the divorce.

I want to blame her, but I know it’s my own damn fault. I never included expiration dates.

She made sure as hell to hoard the five-minute back rub coupons, so now I’m a thirty-two-year-old woman giving her mom two thousand minutes of back scratches. That’s over thirty-three hours. Someone, please call the doctor: I think I have carpal tunnel.

I try to protest. “I’m sorry, Mom, I can’t help you weed. I have a wedding dress fitting, and I’ve already given you 125 free big hugs today.” She scoffs, placing a hand on her hip, studying the ripped construction paper with my kindergarten handwriting. “Huh, that’s funny,” she says, “I don’t read anywhere that this offer cannot be combined with any other offer.”

I’m not quite sure how to break the news to my partner that I won’t be able to go on the tropical honeymoon we’ve scrimped and saved for, because my mom’s scheduled her “I Cook Mommy Dinner!” coupons for all fifteen nights I was supposed to be in Hawaii. She’s requested French onion brisket and beef bourguignon. Salvator is going to kill me when he realizes our surf lessons and fancy dinner funds are being reallocated to a red meat bounty for Mom.

Every day I’m forced to revisit my innocent naïvete. “Mom, I’m a thirty-two-year-old woman,” I plead. “I have to go home and take Buster for a walk. He hasn’t gone out in three weeks.” But as she rents Walk the Line for the eighth time that week, setting the closed captioning size to “extra big,” I hear her mutter, “I seem to recall Mom’s Movie Choice as having the stipulation ‘No complaints.’”

I apologize for all the times I ate Cheez-Its on the couch, hoping this is some sick and twisted punishment for the crumbs that remain lodged in the cushions, but it’s no use. She still wants the three self-portraits that I offered to give her during my tween years. When I’m not at Mom’s house, I stand in the aisles of Blick Art Supplies sobbing. I fear my fingers are permanently rainbow-stained from the cray-pas oils.

I try to tell Salvator it’s not forever, soon we will be married, but he’s not convinced. The other day, he asked why she was visiting out of the blue. I flashed a faded, crinkled-up sheet of construction paper that read, “Tied Together for a Day,” and slowly raised our arms to reveal the handcuffs linking me and Mom.

She has to run out of coupons soon, but I fear the worst is yet to come. A shudder runs down my spine every time I think about the coupon I gave at age twenty-two when I was a broke college student who spent all my extra cash on weed. That ill-considered coupon gives her the utmost power. A chance to do anything she’s ever wanted me to do—drive her to the airport, brunch with her gal pals, or even call off the wedding.

Yes, I live in fear of the day she will finally cash in the “Mom’s Choice” coupon.

This post was written by Alison Green and published on Ask a Manager.

I’m off today. Here are some past letters that I’m making new again, rather than leaving them to wilt in the archives.

1. Ouija board decor at work

I share an office with two other coworkers who seldom see — I work nights, they work days/my days off — so I don’t know them well. One has slowly been adding decoration to the office that is very understated fandom, that you wouldn’t recognize unless you are also a fan (which I am). That’s fine! But today I came in and they’ve replaced the mousepad with a ouija board one and I am weirdly uncomfortable with that. How can I object to it to people I barely know or see, especially without coming off as super religious (since that seems to be the most common objection to it, but I could not possibly be less religious)? Or am I being way too sensitive not wanting it at work?

Nah, you get to be uncomfortable with it. Some people are uncomfortable with ouija stuff for religious reasons, others because it just creeps them out, and others because they don’t believe in what it represents and don’t particularly want symbols of it in their space. All of those are legitimate, as is any other reason you might have.

Do you see this coworker at all, even just in passing? If so, you could say, “Hey, I really like the (name one or two decorations they added that you do like), but I’m weirdly creeped out by the ouija board mousepad. Would you mind if I brought in a different one, or if we just switched back to the other one?”

Worst case scenario, you just switch it out yourself at the start and end of your shift, but a reasonable coworker will get this and be fine with changing it. Reasonable people will not insist other people use objects that are known to bother others (even if she overlooked that originally).

– 2019

2. My coworker keeps nagging me about drinking diet soda

I have a coworker, a retired doctor from Colombia, who wont stop badgering me or making comments when he sees me drinking diet soda. I am unsure of how to approach the situation because he is a director of an overlapping group to the one I work in, which is much higher up than my position (I’m practically entry-level but I’ve been here for almost a year and a half). Although he was an MD before coming to the U.S., he is no longer practicing and is very into alternative medicine and makes it a point to comment on the things that he believes are bad. One example is that he is strongly against microwaves and will comment if he sees anyone heating up their lunch.

His office is very close to where I sit, and it all started about eight months ago when he struck up a conversation about why I was drinking diet instead of regular soda. I have a lot of reasons, some personal taste and others because I have an insulin sensitivity to carbohydrates and sugar. I know diet soda is not great, but I will gladly drink it instead of risking pancreas failure and diabetes before I am 30. Although none of that information is anyone’s business except my own, I don’t feel like I should have to justify my choices even if I didn’t have to take my health into consideration.

My problem is that nothing I say seems to deter his comments, even explaining my health reasons. He’s even gone so far as to question if I want children or not (because he thinks the artificial sweetener will affect my fertility). He seemed taken aback when I told him that I’ve never wanted kids, and even if it did have fertility side effects it wouldn’t change my mind. After my initial rebuttal where I made my stance clear, he has resorted to only quick comments like “Still drinking diet?” or “What’s that on your desk?” when he passes by my desk about once a week, but it is frustrating nonetheless. I’ve tried to explain myself, ignore it, laugh it off, and act like it doesn’t bother me, but it has really begun to get on my nerves the longer it goes.

Ugh. He’s being rude. It doesn’t matter that he’s not practicing medicine here; even if he were, he’s still not your doctor, and thus he’s butting into business where he doesn’t belong.

On the other hand, you may have inadvertently signaled to him that you’re fine with all this — the laughing, explaining, acting like it doesn’t bother you, and engaging with him about your fertility all may have reinforced for him that this is a topic you’re okay discussing. So I think you’ve got to make it clearer that you’re not.

I get that there are hierarchy issues in play, but is this the kind of office where you can just directly say to him the next time, “Hey, can you stop commenting on my soda? Thanks.” Or, “I think we’re done with this debate, so can we put the soda comments to rest?” Or, “I have a ban on soda comments now. The window of opportunity has closed.”

If your office culture is such that you really can’t do that, then I’d try to ignore the offhanded comments (looking slightly incredulous that he’s still talking about it might help, though) and only address it if he starts another real conversation with you about it. If he does the latter, then you can say, “You know, I appreciate the info you’ve shared, but I don’t want to keep talking about it.” And then stick to that — if he keeps trying, keep declining to engage.

– 2017

Read an update to this letter here.

3. Changing into biking clothes in the office bathroom

I’m in my first job as an HR assistant. Many people in the organization are similarly young and we’re generally pretty casual. I have been wondering about the social norms around changing outfits in the bathroom.

One of the great joys I’ve found since starting my job is biking home from work. I usually put my bike on a bus in the morning (wearing my work clothes) and change to bike back. We don’t have another space I could change other than the women’s bathroom. There is a bike room in the building, but anyone can enter at any time and I normally run into a male bike commuter every time I’m there.

People definitely change sometimes in the bathroom (I notice someone doing it like once a month), but if I had my way I’d be biking 2-3 days a week. Are there any tips for what I should and should not do? Am I overthinking this?

Changing in the bathroom is fine and normal! Use a stall so that coworkers aren’t walking in on you in your underwear (don’t be these people), but it’s totally fine to change in the bathroom.

– 2019

4. Our new office toilet paper is terrible

The company I work for had a change over in president recently. This president has a much more significant financial background. Computers went from being upgraded on a certain timeline to only if they break and office supplies all got cheap, including tissues and toilet paper.

The toilet paper we now use is very rough single ply, and it’s causing havoc with my body. Over the weekend when I’m not at work, everything starts to feel better, but then I go back at the beginning of the week and it goes back to hellish uncomfortable conditions. I’ve always been super sensitive to things in that area but I’m a loss what to do. I really don’t want to have to carry toilet paper back and forth between my desk and the bathroom in our open office plans. Do you have any other suggestions for what to do?

You can try talking to whoever orders the supplies and asking if it’s an option to switch back to the previous toilet paper, but chances sound pretty good that you’re going to hear no. If it’s truly terrible toilet paper — like less sensitive people are also dismayed by it — then you might have more luck approaching it as a group. (Which will require you to discreetly ask coworkers you’re close to if they hate the new toilet paper too, which is exactly the kind of conversation I would enjoy but you might not.)

But otherwise, yeah, unfortunately I think you’ll need to bring in your own. Rather than carrying a roll of toilet paper about the office, you could put it in a bag or purse, although I realize that’s still not ideal.

– 2018